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Letting The Sun In

Submitted by • October 23, 2014 Website:

This isn’t going to be a post where I pull out my soapbox and stand tall spouting my opinions for all to see. Instead, I am entering the room and quietly sitting down, hoping my audience will listen because this is important. In the past, I have spoken about some personal issues and to be frank, they weren’t very well received. I think my readers expect my superhero sex blogger persona who takes people by the ear and says “Listen here!” Well my cape is at the cleaners, and frankly, I am opening myself up to being ignored, scorned, or ostracized, but I hope you will read my post anyway.

Something started happening to me probably a good long time ago, longer than I can really put my finger on. I can’t say when it all began, but that doesn’t really matter. This thing silently creeps up on you and catches you unaware, and begins to torment without a sound you while you try to go about your daily life, wondering why things don’t feel right. It takes ahold of you and starts to push you down, dismantling all you do, and turning life into a bunch of fragmented pieces that no longer seem to fit and cut with their jagged edges.

So what is this dastardly thing that knocked this bold, self-assured, dominant and in control woman on her ass? Depression. Yep, I said it, depression. It’s a word tossed around, commonly heard, and it even has loads of TV ads trying to poke at people to take this medicine or that. The thing is, it’s silent and sneaky, and if you are a person who it has caught unaware, then you are not connecting with those sad people on TV showing their pain to the world. It isn’t a deliberate act of denial, because I really didn’t know. Despite a battle with depression twenty or so years ago, I did not see myself in those television ads. They made me sad, but I still didn’t connect the dots, and I truly believe my disassociation didn’t come from denial.

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